I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus from the blog for the last couple of months. It wasn’t exactly a planned break, but something huge was happening in my life. Something which I had to wait to talk about to anyone apart from Joe.
We have been lucky enough to conceive very quickly with all of my pregnancies but I have previously miscarried 2 babies. So far my pregnancy history has been;
Miscarry, Violet, Miscarry, Ezra.
So as I saw the faint second line appear on the pregnancy test I had a mixture of elation, love, excitement and a chill of anxious nerves. If I was to follow the pattern, I felt like I would lose this pregnancy. But no, this baby is for keeps. We will get to meet this little life. For now all I know is that s/he is healthy and growing well. That’s all. Yet we will have a lifetime of knowing each other better than anyone else! It’s quite mad to think that right now I barely have time to even think about this life growing inside me, with 2 other children to look after. But in a few short months this baby will become my #1 for a while. My primary focus!
This may well be our last baby. Joe is quite sure about that but I am still undecided. Emotionally I cannot say how I will feel. Will I just ‘know’ when my family is complete? So, just in case it is our last baby I am trying to savour every big moment of the pregnancy. Even down to how I told Joe! I’m not sure how but I kept it a secret for 2 whole weeks after I saw the positive on the test, but I did. I ordered 3 t-shirts from a lovely shop on etsy. Thing 1 for Violet, Thing 2 for Ezra and a tiny little 1 month old size Thing 3 for baby. Joe and I celebrated our anniversary at the end of February and were able to go out and have a whole day together while my in laws had the children (who were both wearing their special t-shirts!). Over lunch I gave Joe his anniversary present. He opened it and held the Thing 3 top. A few seconds went by and then he twigged! I had tears in my eyes, he was so happy! The relief for me was unreal. Keeping this secret had been so difficult but for that reaction it was worth it.
The first trimester has been very difficult for me. Mind numbing nausea and fatigue. I had exhaustion with Violet and Ezra but the nausea this time has been hard to cope with. I would get to about 2pm every day and feel my brain literally switch off. Just focusing my eyes and reading a line of text was so tricky. Thankfully that has now passed and at 19 weeks I’m feeling pretty good.
I have felt this baby kicking since 9 weeks. I felt Violet at 15 weeks, Ezra at 11 and this baby at 9. It was actually very reassuring to go to the 12 week scan and at least know there was a live baby in there as I could feel the wiggles already.
So that’s my huge, massive, amazing news. In less than 5 months we will become a family of 5 💜💙💛