My wonderful baby boy is 6 months old!!!!

The last 6 months I’ve tried to be more baby-led than I was with Violet and Ezra. It wasn’t entirely through choice, as having 2 other young children means I cannot put Felix’s needs first all the time. I don’t have time to stick to a routine and I cannot be a good enough mum to Ezra if I’m focusing on Felix having sleeps and feeds at set times. Thankfully Felix is a very adaptable baby. He doesn’t need set conditions to fall asleep (hello no blackout blinds!) or feeds at certain times. I think breastfeeding has massively contributed to this as he can just feed as much as he wants whenever he wants!

Sleep… It’s a hot topic of conversation when a stranger stops me in the street for a chat. “Is he sleeping through yet?!”. Erm, NO! last night I was up 6 times!!!!!!! But on a good night he wakes every 4 hours. I can live with that as it usually means 2 night feeds. He still sleeps in the cosleeper right next to me. I’ve absolutely loved having him right there and not having to get out of bed in the middle of the night. I usually bring him into our bed for the final feed and we cuddle. It’s a way of me getting a bit more sleep but I also do love this feed as we bond even more.


Teeth! The boy has 6! The other day he bit the top off a breadstick! I thought it would cause real issues for breastfeeding, and to begin with I was getting bitten several times a day. But these days he only bites when a new tooth is coming through or if he is being playful. I had hoped he would stop at 6 teeth for a while, but I’m pretty sure number 7 is ready to pop so maybe he is trying for a full set by the time he is 1!

Movement. Well he hasn’t ever rolled, or even come close! I can still leave him somewhere and come back to find him in the same place flapping his arms to be picked up! He loves to stand and bounce. Not very keen on being on his tummy which surprises me as he sleeps on his front. Movement will come, I’m quite glad I don’t have to baby-proof anything yet. And that will be a real challenge when the time comes!! I hope he masters sitting independently soon.

Felix is such a snuggly boy. He wants to be held and cuddled all the time. He loves kisses and being tickled. Apart from me and Joe his favourite people are Violet and my mum! Violet has super powers to stop him crying and make him smile. She’s a wonderful help to me in the mornings while I’m dashing about. Felix always has smiles and chatter for his big sister. My mum has amazing powers at keeping Felix very calm. Up until recently she only had to hold him for a few moments and he would fall asleep!

Felix is such a joy. He has taught me so much. We are very lucky to have this little star in our lives.

My baby is 3 months old! No longer a newborn and the 4th trimester is over. I’ve really embraced the 4th trimester with Felix in a way I don’t think I allowed myself to with Violet and Ezra. As difficult as those newborn days are, they have been precious and a privilege. I’ve not wished any of it away (even the cluster feed which only ended at 5am!). I’ve just gone with Felix’s flow. He has shown me the way and together we are through the haze about to start a new chapter in his development.

Felix has grown. And grown. And grown! His newborn sparrow legs now have glorious rolls. His cheeks have filled and his wrists have that adorable chubby crease! He’s jumped up a percentile line (or 2!) and I can certainly feel his weight in my arms. Despite being my smallest baby at birth he has filled out the quickest.

Felix is loving his milk and I’m utterly thrilled that it’s all from me. During the pregnancy Joe asked me what type of baby I would like. Aside from the wishes for him to be happy and healthy I said I’d love a baby who just ‘gets’ breastfeeding. My wish came true! After so much heartache, complications and frustrations with Violet and Ezra and our breastfeeding journeys, Felix really does ‘get it’. I have to confess that I do love feeding him. I look forward to each feed and I enjoy having that enforced break to just sit with Felix and take a breather. Feeds are quicker now however he does enjoy staying on the breast for comfort.

As convenient as breastfeeding is, it’s a big undertaking for me and has taken me away from Violet and Ezra. Joe is doing most of their care when he is around while I sit and feed/comfort Felix. We have had some trying times with Violet and especially Ezra’s bedtime over the last couple of months. And it’s fallen on Joe’s shoulders to deal with the upset. I do have guilt over this however we both want Felix to be breastfed (as long as it’s working well) so the challenges are something we have had to accept. It doesn’t last forever and without wanting to jinx anything, I think we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I wondered whether Felix would be the spitting image of his big brother. For a few weeks there did seem to be many similarities. However now I look at him and I do think he will have a face all of his own. His eyes are much bigger and blue whereas Ezra’s are green. He also has chubbier cheeks and much less hair. It will be great to compare some photos in a few months time.

Nights with Felix are OK.  He isn’t an amazing sleeper but I cannot say he is bad by any stretch of the imagination. He goes to bed when I go to bed and sleeps 2-4 hours. Then he has a feed and goes back in his bed for 2-3 hours. The second night feed I struggle to have the energy to sit up so I tend to bring him into bed with me and feed him laying down. That’s how we spend the rest of the night. Cuddling, sleeping and feeding. I actually love it which is something I never thought I would say about cosleeping! I really hope he starts pulling out longer stretches of sleep soon….

Felix is very ticklish. Even putting his arms in his vests and gro makes him squirm. He is so close to laughing – I’m waiting for that sound impatiently.
Felix loves to be held and cuddled. He isn’t keen on being on the playmat or in the swing. He will just about tolerate his bouncy chair if you get him in the right mood. So it’s certainly not easy holding him all the time while trying to sort out a 4 and 2 year old! I know this phase is short lived though. In a few months time he will have much more interest in toys, his siblings and the world around him. I tell myself that as difficult as this is right now, it’s a very brief moment. Enjoy the cuddles.

Life with 3 young children is far from easy. Felix has put a little spanner in the works and we are finding our new balance. But he is a total darling. He is the little boy who was missing from our family and now we are lucky enough to have him with us. I look forward to another 3 months of growth, development and making more memories with the littlest member of our family!

Dear Ezra

Things are changing. Can you sense it? The house suddenly has all this baby stuff in it and Mummy and Daddy have been busily changing your bedroom around so you can share with Sissy. There’s bunk beds and soon you’ll be moved out of your cosy cot into a great big bed! We hope you like it.

There’s lots going on.

Because in the next week or so you will become a big brother. You won’t be the baby of the house any more. You’ll have to learn to wait. And share. Mummy and Daddy will still be there for you. But for a while it will feel like the baby comes first. Don’t worry. Everything will settle down as we get to know him.

He already knows a lot about us. He has heard you and Sissy chatting, laughing, singing and shouting for the last 9 months! He knows your voice! He has felt you climbing on him and he has even felt those gentle strokes you’ve given him. But we need to learn what he likes and doesn’t like.

I will need your help. Keep giving me your beautiful smiles and kisses. Sometimes they will be just the pick me up Mummy needs. Keep making me laugh with your dancing and funny faces. They will bring me out of a low point in an instant. Keep being the amazing sunny boy you are.

We will still have our special bond. We will still cuddle and mess around like before.

Don’t resent your little brother. He will become your best friend, you’ll see. He will look up to you in the same way you look up to Violet. He will adore you.

For this short time though, don’t worry. We will find our way and our new normal as a family of 5.

Keep being my perfect Ezra.

Love

Mummy x

Last week we found out we are expecting a……………….
Actually, I’ll let Violet and Ezra tell you…!

It’s a BOY!!!!!!!!!!!

Over Christmas Violet and I were messing about on YouTube and we started watching American gender reveal videos. Violet absolutely loved the idea of finding out whether the couples were expecting a boy or girl by the colour of the balloons. So when we told her that we were expecting another baby she asked if she could find out whether it’s a boy or girl by balloons coming out of a box. Why not, I thought!

Violet had hoped she would get a baby sister so when we found out he was a boy we knew we had to tell her in an exciting way to quash any feelings of disappointment she may have. I’m so glad we did it like this! It was fun, exciting and so memorable. Violet is SO excited to know she will get another little brother! She talks to him a lot and it asking many questions about what he can see/hear/feel. Ezra on the other hand was just thrilled to play with the balloons! He is still too young to understand what is happening. Hopefully as his language develops he will have some understanding by the time October comes.

So we have a little boy on the way. I am so happy we know! I love him so so much and am so excited to welcome him to our beautiful family.

I’ve taken a bit of a hiatus from the blog for the last couple of months. It wasn’t exactly a planned break, but something huge was happening in my life. Something which I had to wait to talk about to anyone apart from Joe.

We are having another baby!
image

We have been lucky enough to conceive very quickly with all of my pregnancies but I have previously miscarried 2 babies. So far my pregnancy history has been;
Miscarry, Violet, Miscarry, Ezra.
So as I saw the faint second line appear on the pregnancy test I had a mixture of elation, love, excitement and a chill of anxious nerves. If I was to follow the pattern, I felt like I would lose this pregnancy. But no, this baby is for keeps. We will get to meet this little life. For now all I know is that s/he is healthy and growing well. That’s all. Yet we will have a lifetime of knowing each other better than anyone else! It’s quite mad to think that right now I barely have time to even think about this life growing inside me, with 2 other children to look after. But in a few short months this baby will become my #1 for a while. My primary focus!

This may well be our last baby.  Joe is quite sure about that but I am still undecided. Emotionally I cannot say how I will feel. Will I just ‘know’ when my family is complete? So, just in case it is our last baby I am trying to savour every big moment of the pregnancy. Even down to how I told Joe! I’m not sure how but I kept it a secret for 2 whole weeks after I saw the positive on the test, but I did. I ordered 3 t-shirts from a lovely shop on etsy. Thing 1 for Violet, Thing 2 for Ezra and a tiny little 1 month old size Thing 3 for baby. Joe and I celebrated our anniversary at the end of February and were able to go out and have a whole day together while my in laws had the children (who were both wearing their special t-shirts!). Over lunch I gave Joe his anniversary present. He opened it and held the Thing 3 top. A few seconds went by and then he twigged! I had tears in my eyes, he was so happy! The relief for me was unreal. Keeping this secret had been so difficult but for that reaction it was worth it.

image

The first trimester has been very difficult for me. Mind numbing nausea and fatigue. I had exhaustion with Violet and Ezra but the nausea this time has been hard to cope with. I would get to about 2pm every day and feel my brain literally switch off. Just focusing my eyes and reading a line of text was so tricky. Thankfully that has now passed and at 19 weeks I’m feeling pretty good.

I have felt this baby kicking since 9 weeks. I felt Violet at 15 weeks, Ezra at 11 and this baby at 9. It was actually very reassuring to go to the 12 week scan and at least know there was a live baby in there as I could feel the wiggles already.

So that’s my huge, massive, amazing news. In less than 5 months we will become a family of 5 💜💙💛